Monday, December 5, 2011


Perfume + Beirut + Bijou Theater = Magic.

Here is the Thing

I just need it to be summertime again. Today was so nice, and I just am not ready for cold weather.

That's all.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Sourness Makes It Right

Today I lost my very favorite jacket downtown, and that homeless woman I hate is probably wearing it.

And then I came home and my dog put a hole in my new tights.


Thursday, October 20, 2011


Dear Winter,

Please go away; no one wants you.

On a non related note, if you have ever referred to Modern art as Contemporary art, or if you have ever referred to anything which is not Modern or Contemporary art as either, I have judged you. Harshly. And I am probably still judging you now. That might sound rude, but it is just a fact.


This Girl.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Are you ever working on something pseudo important when you realize suddenly that you have something so much more important to be working on? Usually, this urgency occurs while doing something like homework, sending a close friend or family member a long over due email, filling out applications, etc. Each of these activities is extremely important. Not as important, however, as that other thing you never even knew you were neglecting until right now. That infamous "other thing" tends to be something along the lines of trimming your bangs,perfectly organizing and aligning the trinkets on your shelf, coloring in that scuff on your shoes with a Sharpie, and so on and so on. Now I can hear you all making that sigh of recognition. "Yes!" you are saying right now; "I know that thing! In fact....I should be doing that right now." For those of you who decided you could wait to finish that thing until the end of this post- congratulations. Today that thing occurred while working on my American Heritage homework. I was reading about Ronald Reagan's foreign policy when I noticed the Sonic cup next to me. "Wait a second" my subconscious said. "That sonic logo must be outlined by your pen (and only your pen) right. now." "I'm busy" I said to my subconscious. "I will get to that later. First, I need to graduate from college." This was a mistake, because then something inside me seemed to say "Graduate college?! No one will ever graduate college again if you do not do this one most important thing in the world [outlining the Sonic logo]." And that's when I realized, in that moment, it was true. I had no other option but to outline line not only the logo, but the tiny bubbles floating up the cup above it.

Monday, May 16, 2011

It Also Says!

This song was just used in a Target ad. Well done, Target.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

So the squirrels that live outside my bathroom window have been gettin cray-zy lately, and this morning, one almost jumped on me. No Joke.

Also, if I hear the words "Fiscal Year" one more time, I'ma explode something.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Right now they are doing some major construction outside of my office building. Everytime they hammer a support into the ground (which is about precisely every second), my building shakes a little bit. I know I am not imagining this because I can see it in my water bottle.... Now all I have to do is wait for Jeff Goldbloom to show up.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


There is such a thing as too much pop lock and dropping it...but the good news is, my thighs have now made a full recovery.

Monday, March 21, 2011


I love it when people I don't know follow my blog. Thanks guys.

(and for those of you who I DO know, I love it when you follow my blog too).

Thursday, March 17, 2011


As I was commenting on a friend's wonderful blog here, I found it incredibly ironic (not to mention funny) that this happened...Although hers definitely still wins.

vampire roommates, or, basil

sometimes, you go to the grocery store and they have the most beautiful basil plant you have ever seen. and so you buy it and and you bring it home, and you are so excited to have a real life plant that replenishes itself. you are excited because you don't have to keep buying more, but mostly you are excited because it is green and alive. so you bring it home, and you find the sunniest spot in the house. sometimes this is hard because you live in the basement, and your upstairs roommates think they are vampires and refuse to let any light in to the house. finally, though, you find a shelf in the corner that is next to a window with blinds that you can open. so you give the plant some water, and you open the blinds, and you welcome it home. there is even talk of naming the plant. and then a couple of days go by, and the plant looks just ok. then one day you realize that whenever you open the blinds, someone keeps closing them. the nameless but beautiful basil plant starts to lunge itself toward the minuscule amount of uv rays breaking through the window. you tell the plant to hang in there, because in just a week it will be warm enough to relocate the plant to a sunny outdoor location. this doesn't help, though, and a few days later you come home to find out that one of your vampire roommates has also been watering your basil, so you feel the soil, and it is like water. your basil is drowning in the dark. so you bring it to your room, and you bring it outside for visiting hours when it is warm and sunny enough, and you try and try to help it live. then one day, you wake up and it is sixty five degrees and sunny, and you just know this is the day it will live. so you check the soil and you set it outside while you go to work for free. as you walk home, you are so excited about your plant slash food source that replenishes itself, and you know that the few remaining limbs and leaves will be thriving in the sunlight. they just have to be. and then you find it dead. and you are pissed.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


today i cut my tongue on the lid to my apple sauce.

i also spent 30 minutes trying to remember the word "articulate." that would have been ok, except it was the punchline of a very short story i was telling.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Dear Lady Gaga,

You know I love you. I do. But please NEVER let me see you do that again. I don't care if you were born that way, it was terrible.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

my water bottle has suddenly started tasting all weird and plasticy. no bueno.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


As many of you know, I used to have ads posted on my blog. The purpose of this being that I would eventually make a little bit of money from them. Yep. I sold out, and I'm still ok with it. The thing is, in the entire time I've had my blog, which is kind of a while, I've only made $23 off of it. That sounds great, but you can't actually get paid until it reaches $100. So lately my blog views have been increasing, and my Google Adsense has also been increasing. Great. EXCEPT that Google decided my account had "Invalid Account Click Activity" and disabled it. Yes, I filled out an appeal thing, and I think my answers were pretty funny, if I do say so myself...but still, they refuse to reopen my Adsense account. This means that A.) I would like to double fist punch whoever made this desicion and B.) Congratulations, ya'll are all getting this crap for free(er) now.

Friday, February 18, 2011


So as it turns out, eggs DO explode in the microwave. And it's really, really funny...but kind of weird because the microwave turned off as soon as it exploded. It was like a hilarious sunny-side-up-scrambled disaster. Oh, and also, grapes just kind of fizzle out and get weird. Special thanks to Mike the gymnast for making that happen.
So as long as the weather is warm, I don't really need to post songs about wanting it to be warm. This doesn't mean I'm done with this project, it just means I am putting it on hold until it gets cold again...which will hopefully be in very, very long time.

In other news, I saw Darwin Deez last night and it may have been one of the best/most fun shows I've ever been to. The band was great, everyone was happy, and they had all practiced their choreographed dance well as their free styling.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


And this song is dedicated to how I feel about warm weather.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm pretty positive apple juice tastes better out of a sippy cup.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Sometimes at work I do fun things like spend 10 minutes unjamming the hole punch...turns out 13 pages is too many for one go.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dear foreign lady who just scolded me for talking on the phone on the bus,

First of all, I was not talking that loud. Second of all, I am not the only person on the phone on this bus. Third of all, you were not good at following the ticket lady's directions, and finally, you have the ugliest hair I have ever seen. Suck. On. That.



People are always writing songs about girls with blue eyes, and Van Morrison forever immortalized girls with brown eyes. Even John Darnielle mentions gray eyes in one of his newest tracks. Where are the songs for girls with green eyes? If you find one, let me know, because let’s be honest here…I’m a little bit jealous.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Today I took the bus from Knoxville, TN, to Washington, DC. It’s about 9 hours, and the bus wasn’t sketchy, either. It was, however, cold. Luckily for me, I had just stolen my sisters electric blanket and the bus had outlets. Hallelujah.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

shameless self promotion

dear friends and frenemies,

i started a new blog. i know, i know, really? really. before you get all panicked and pull out your inhaler, no, i will not be publishing any less on this one. discrete will remain a resting place for weird stuff i think up and funny crap that happens to me. my new blog, however, will be dedicated to art. no, not art garfunkel, but my encounters with art, especially considering i am constantly surrounded by so much of it. so, here it is:

Monday, January 31, 2011


my stomach is feeling awkwardly painful tonight. this leads me to believe that one (or all) of the following is true:

scenario 1: i have eaten far too many of CF's delicious fiber one bars that taste like a snickers made of oats, and now my body is starting to fight back.

scenario 2: i have consumed far more apple juice in the past month than anyone ever thought was humanly possible, and now the laws of science/biology are going crazy and there is an apple tree growing inside my stomach.

scenario 3: DC's absurd lead-pipe-contaminated-water is finally taking its tole on me and i am developing some kind of strange tumor right behind my belly button.

essentially what i'm saying is that tomorrow i'm giving up fiber one bars, apple juice, and any kind of unfiltered water i might come in contact with.
This morning the Chinatown Metro smelled like hot glue. Now, I am a firm believer that, like Duct Tape, hot glue can fix nearly anything. The key word here being nearly. Maybe if they stopped using supplies from the craft box to fix high speed trains, the Red Line would stop having so many problems.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Saturday, January 29, 2011

250th Post

I just took a melatonin with Diet Coke. I feel like that may have been counterproductive, but I feel like a champ.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Today's post is not a summer time song, but I just needed to post it, and felt that with my already video-heavy blog, two might just be too much today.

So earlier today my boss and I were talking about stipends, and how the majority of them are strictly minority based rather than actual need based. Kinda sucks, huh? Ben Folds definitely got it right this time.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

DC Observations:

Observation #1: People in DC do not eat, they just drink Starbucks. A lot of it.

Observation #2: No one in DC actually does Yoga, but everyone carries around a yoga mat and loves to talk about it.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sham On

Last night I had a dream that I met William Shatner in an airport. He was very nice and let me take pictures with him, and then we talked about Star Trek for a while. I really love my celebrity dreams.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sunday, January 16, 2011

ok, not that i'm really in to this, but i just don't understand how someone could make the decision to change the zodiac. i have always been and will refuse to be anything but a gemini.

Friday, January 14, 2011


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Oooooh K

The other night my family and I watched Biggest Loser, and I totally support people wanting to be healthy. So not to sound rude here, but I wonder if I could get paid not to get fat in the first place.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Last night I dreamed I was at the CAA conference in New York. I was in the elevator and I met a Guerrilla Girl. I was super excited, and then she took off her mask and it was actually Griselda Pollock. Best elevator dream ever.

Live Version

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Monday, January 10, 2011

I Hate Winter:

In an effort to will Summer to come faster, I will be posting a new song dedicated to my cause (nearly) every day. I think this is a good one to start with, don't you?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

2010: Highlights

January: The Future…and NYC.

February: Xtine and I made the cutest Valentines ever seen.

March: ADVENTURE! Visit from two of my favorite people ever to exist.

April: Easter visit from the fam!


June: My blirthday and the epic invention of pop-shots. Also, concert extravaganza.

July: Fourth of July Party with the best Independence Day costumes anyone has ever laid eyes on.

August: The sad sad end of Summer, which concluded nicely with the coolest airbrush trucker hat ever invented.

September: Last real semester at BYU. Moved in to the basement with Xtine. Great. Decision. Also I met the kid who would become Prince. No, not the real one, but better.

October: Someone stabbed herself in the arm with an awl and we had adventure time in the Cotton Tree Inn. JONSI! And Halloween as Barbie.

November: Sufjan. That was enough to make the year worth it.

December: My teacher told me I was "hostile and offensive," and then I finished with Utah. Forever. Hallelujah. Also, had a _____-kickin’ time in Arizona with the fam.