Friday, March 28, 2008


I used to be a receptionist in my dad’s optometry office. Two or three days a week, I would file paper work, make appointments, etc. Right next door was this yummy pizza place, and naturally, I became friends with many of the employees there. This conveniently saved me lots of money on coke and breadsticks, but that is beside the point.

One day, two of the employees there decided I look like a Penelope, and thus, changed my name. From that moment on, I was known as Penelope in this pizza place. I assumed all of the employees knew this was just an alias; I mean, honestly, is Penelope even a real name? Well, shock arrived late one afternoon as I walked in to get my usual (half order of breadsticks and diet coke-mellow yellow suicide). As I approached the counter, I was bombarded with questions.
“Your name’s not Penelope?”-“I thought your name was Penelope!”-“I feel like I don’t even know you!”-“I can’t believe you let me call you Penelope this whole time!”

Let’s just say it was a sad day for many people as their hopes and dreams of my being named Penelope were crushed. Well, Ok, that’s a lie. It was a sad day for couple people who were gullible enough to believe my name was Penelope, which no one should believe, because let's be honest here, have you ever met any one named Penelope? No. you have not.

*Several years later, the wonderful employees of said pizza place still call me Penelope… they also still give me an employee discount.

You Smell Good.

As all three of my faithful readers may have noticed, I have a fascination with awkward compliments. I do not know why, but they are an amazing mystery to me; they are an art form. One phrase, which I feel can be deemed both awkward and appropriate (depending on the circumstances, of course) is a simple three word statement: You Smell Good.
I think my largest issue with this statement is the question of the appropriate response. Is it enough to muster out a simple “Thanks”, and let it be done? And what if I don’t think I actually do smell good? Does this need to be reciprocated with a “You do too”; even if I also don’t think they do smell good? Is it possible to simply remain silent for a moment, then change the subject- essentially pretending as though the comment was never said?
What I always want to say is something along the lines of, “Well thanks! I took a shower this morning, and I’m wearing Old Spice deodorant, so that’s probably why”.
Unfortunately, I do not feel as though this response would be socially acceptable, even though remarking on someone’s scent is.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Do Your Toe Nails Match?

Today as I made my customary trip to the Twilight Zone, I found myself in line next to a very talkative stranger. Wearing pink shoes, a pink shirt, and pink fingernail polish, this stranger decided to comment on my pink-ness.

Stranger: Your nails are very pink.
Me: Yes.
Stranger: Did you paint them to match your outfit today?
Me: No...They are always this color.
(moment passes...)
Stranger: Do your toe nails match?

They do match.

Friday, March 21, 2008


Today in French class I payed 69 imaginary euroes for a bag of imaginary clams, which I would not have eaten anyway.

What a rip off.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Last January I had some time off between school, so I immediately took the opportunity to visit my sister (and her wonderful family) in England. Traveling all by my onesies has never been an issue (and I should add, I still do not mind traveling by myself), but this particular flight home, I do wish someone could have been with me to share in this wonderful experience. 
Sitting calmly in my window seat, I waited for my fellow passengers to finish boarding the plane and silently hoped I would not be stuck net to a large man who, surely, would steal my armrest. I even went as far as to fear for the future of my overly-salted airline peanuts, thinking perhaps that he may try to take those as well while I was looking away. 
You can imagine my relief as a 20-something year old guy (who happened to be in decent shape) took his place next to me. Surely, I thought, he will know how to keep his arms and legs confined to his designated 4 by 6 inch space. 
    He did not. 
Much to my dismay, his large feet quickly found their way into my footy space. to make things worse, this stranger decided it would be a good idea to bring along some adult "reading" materials to pass the 8 hour flight. As I focused on my in-flight movies, he sat- tray table down, smutty magazines up. Some 20-something year old guy (who happened to be in decent shape) unfortunately took his place next to me, and got his kicks for approximately 5 hours of the flight without even being the slightest bit discrete. 
And his feet were in my footy space the whole time. 

Thursday, March 13, 2008

True Story.

I got this "Anonymously" from a server at Mimi's earlier this evening. I sent him a not-so-anonymous note back that said "Thank You"...It was on a little scrap of paper with an octopus on it.

Thanks again...

In regards to my last post....

I was just reminded of yet another set of awkward gender related compliments...

Over the summer a girl I was friends with from class would often feel it her duty to let me know what she really thinks of me... it often went like this (I don't think my replies are necessary). 

Girl: I totally just checked you out. Sorry. 

Girl: I hope it doesn't weird you out that I stare at you during class. 

or, my personal favorite...

Girl: If you were a boy, I would totally date you. I told them (the class) that the other day. But I just wanted to let you know that if you were a boy, I'd date you. 

Thank You. 


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Thank you...

If any of you have ever spent much time with me, you know I have an Adam's apple and am well aware of it. Perhaps it is the shorter than average hair. I don't know, but for some reason, I have received a number of very awkward gender related compliments...

Example one.

At some point during my time in high school, a girl I knew who often gave strange compliments decided I was worthy of one such compliment. We will call her Jan (that is not her real name).

Jan: You look really cute today Lindsey!
Me: Thanks Jan.
Jan: NO, I mean you look REALLY cute today.
Me: Um. Thanks.
Jan: No, you look like...boy cute! You look like a really cute boy.

Example two.

Some months later, I attended prom (my only ever school dance). True, my dress was green, but keep in mind I was also in heels and looking rather girly. Despite these facts, Jan decided to pay me another wonderful compliment, much like the first.

Jan: Wow Lindsey you look really nice!
Me: Thanks Jan, you too.
Jan: I mean you look really good! You look like Peter Pan.

Jan is not the only giver of these joyous compliments, however. Oh no, I have received them from others.

I worked at Mimi's Cafe for almost a year. For those of you have ever worked at, eaten at, or even been near a Mimi's Cafe, you know how much old people love Mimi's. They come from far and wide just for the Quisch Lorraine, but that is beside the point. Well one day, as I was fulfilling my host duties to the fullest...

Me: Ya'll can follow me right this way.
Old Lady # 5,000: What? Where are we going?
Old Lady # 5,001: Oh just follow this young gentleman right here (indicating myself).
Old Lady # 5,000: Oh right, I didn't even see him!
(several moments later as we reach the table, they notice that I am not, in fact, a nice young gentleman...)
Old Lady # 5,001: Oh! You're not a boy! Um... I really hair! It just looks so nice on you...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is true. I really am boy cute.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Please Tell Me...

Why is "Newsies" such a phenomenon amongst Mormons?

This is on my (long) list of things which I do no know, but would like to...

Oh Looksy

My first Blog ever... what is the world coming to?