Taste the Soap

Skittles might be the grossest candy ever invented.I imagine they taste like the floor of an arcade.

This Guy is totally on to me.

Mabes it's because when we walked by him in the library, CFP realized she knew him and later told him my theory. So far all reports confirm that he really is a time traveler.

Someone just leaned over and said, "You're a little Joan Jett" to me. This is especially good news because I've kind of been feeling like a 4th grader today. Plus I just love her.

The two worst things ever to happen to this Earth, ever, are (in this order):

1.) The Italian Renaissance
-If you think you like Renaissance art, chances are you have only looked at a section or two of the Sistine Chapel and the David. Trust me, it only goes down hill from these ill-proportioned works. (Ok, I guess Leonardo Da Vinci understood proportion, but his people were fugly. Sorry Mona, but let's face it. Da Vinci was really more of a scientist than artist).

2.) Low-Rise Jeans
-If you think you like Low-Rise Jeans, you should see yourself in a pair of them. If you still like them, you should just go ahead and bedazzle your name (which is probably Candy) across the back pockets. And then you should call 1994 Winona Ryder and giver her belly shirt back.

I Wish I Had Thought Of This First.

Dying Chieftain:

This morning in Greek we looked at this sculpture, the Dying Gaul. At first glance, it seems to be your typical Roman copy of a Greek Hellenistic Bronze that was probably melted down for money or armor at some point. So what's so weird about Romans wanting to reproduce a naked man in distress? Nothing. Ancient Greeks and Romans are totally in to that. But wait-I invite you to take a closer look at this sculpture. Notice anything strange?

Maybe you are thinking, "You said this was a chieftain. How do you know? He's naked!" Excellent question. Gallic warriors wore beards; their chiefs shaved...But now that you are thinking about facial hair, you may want to look again. That's right. This man has a mustache even Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds would envy.

But that's not all (oh no, it certainly isn't). That thing around his neck? I admit, it is difficult to really tell on the marble copy, so please allow me to explain. In originality, his necklace or Torc, if you will, would have been gold leafed. The bronze original likely had a real gold Torc. Fascinating, I know.So why am I still talking about his man jewelry? Because it is a gold chain. That's right. This ancient warrior has both stache' and chain (no wonder Greeks loved young boys. Too far?). To get a better look, see below.

So far he is two for two. Now, completing the par, enters the star of the show; this man has a feathered mullet that even I couldn't pull off (and for those of you who don't know me, let me tell you, I know a thing or two about mullets).

So not to jump to conclusions or anything, but I'm pretty this man time traveled to the late 70s/early 80s, picked up a style guide, and then headed back to antiquity to rock Anatolia.

Rachel Ray is lookin rough today.

...like I'm one to talk.

This morning on my way to class, the snot in my nose froze for the first time this season. Welcome back, Sister Winter.

In other news, I don't mean to brag or anything, but I've been wearing my faithful Wolf Shirt for 3 days in a row now.

I wish they sold Raisinettes in the library vending machine.

Ancient Greeks? Gay. Romans? Gay. Italian Renaissance? Gay. It's a miracle humans survived until modern civilization.

(if you don't believe me, i can provide very graphic evidence.)

Remember This Guy?

Well, I saw him on campus the other day and he was wearing stupid shoes. It made me feel great.

This girl could kick the _____ out of Justin Bieber.

sometimes i have a hard time being nice to people when they return things to the desk. i mean, how many signs does it take until people realize we have a drop box?

Someone just offered to steal Nighthawks for me.

A little part of me thinks they might be serious.

1988

Update:

Within the last week, 70's kid got a major haircut that Marty McFly would be proud of. Also, I kind of ran in to him at a show and he complimented my hair....I was wearing my hot pink wig. Today I saw him in the library drinking a Big Gulp. I can only assume that these are all attempts to assimilate himself in to the future, but I'd say his time machine malfunctioned and he thinks he's in 1988 this time.

1978

I've come to several realizations this week. The first of which is that dragons are real, they are just extinct. We can talk about this later.

The second of seems to be a more pressing issue: Time Travel is also real...Absotlutely, Undeniably, Real.

You may be wondering how I know this...Well, I will tell you how. A few days ago, my dear friend and I were enjoying our usual lunch outside. Across the sidewalk we saw this dude who I swear had just Quantum Lept out of 1978. No joke. He was reading a newspaper, which even after approaching him to tell him he had great hair(to which he very graciously, but soft-spokenly said "thank you so much. Thanks. Thank you." while sort of nodding his head), I could not get close enough to see the date on. He was also reading a World Literature book, which I'm pretty positive was published in 1973. Well. Little did I know, this would not be the last time I saw him. About an hour later, he showed up in the library...Naturally, I hid from him so that I wouldn't have to acknowledge the fact that I told him he had "great hair" just to look at his newspaper (*note: he really did have great hair though).

At any rate, he was back in action (aka in the library) the next day. He totally recognized me but didn't say anything about it. He then used the phrase "technology," which just further leads me to believe he Time Traveled.

I spotted him in here again today. I thought I'd be able to hide from him, but unforunately I was dazzled by his water bottle, which had an American Flag shaped like America on it, and he saw me.

Now, I know you are dying to know what this kid looks like, so I will tell you. Every time I have seen him, he has been wearing a soft-looking button up shirt, which is some shade of dark brown, and slightly flared jeans. Even better? He looks like a cross between young James Taylor (with hair, of course) and Jim Croce's mustache. Yea. That's right...Pure, 1978, Magic.

My Sister!

Check This Ish Out.

Toh Kay

Some of you may be aware that my favorite ska band is Streetlight Manifesto. I just think they are great, although I don't listen to them near as much as I used to. Anyway. This past summer, Thomas Kalnoky, lead singer of Streetlight Manifesto (and Catch 22) performed two solo acoustic shows. As far as I can find, he hasn't released any of this solo stuff, but there are some mediocre quality videos on youtube of these shows. Let's hope we see more of this solo stuff.

British people say autistic and artistic like they are the same word.

sorry guys, they aren't. that's just a fact.

tehcnology: the future

my vacuum speaks french and beeps when it gets stuck or when it is happy. my fridge plays a little song if you leave the door open. my washer and dryer sing when they are done. welcome to the future.

for only $58 at urban outfitters,
you can dress like this:

the other night i had a dream that i saw matt & kim at an outdoor show. we hung out after the show and i think maybe we got ice cream. it was a lot of fun, and they were really nice. maybe it's a sign that this will happen in real life?

Ben Sollee, Daniel Martin Moore, Yim Yames

a few weeks ago i saw this charming trio at the bijou theater. aside from the rowdy red-necks spilling beer behind me, it was great. they skipped an opening act all together, which i thought was a wonderful choice, and played for a pretty solid 2 1/2 hours. unfortunately, i think yim yames had a little too much singing time. i mean, he's good and all, but ben sollee is so much easier to listen to. it wasn't so much yim yames's voice that bothered me-his voice is nice, but he has a tendency to howl in his songs and finish each one with a bang, which is usually unnecessary. daniel martin moore played a perfect amount, and everything he did was delightful. top song: bury me in my car. for this song a dancer from stop came out and accompanied them with a really cool step routine type thing. all in all, it was a great show.

Ellen Page has Bieber Fever

Immaculate Inception

(p.s. click the picture to make it big enough to see)

yves klein

is a douche bag. deal with it.

classy ladies

kitty courtney, x-tine, burn your bra, robot meg, sci fi, wilderness, hot pants, vector field.

i don't believe any of this.

i work here.

my cat keeps hopping in my lap and looking at the computer screen like it's a broken tv. i think she wants to watch a movie.

musics

so i've been to a lot of musics this week. let's talk about it.

We Are Each Other: one of two opening bands for Edward Sharpe etc. they were basically a smaller, less good version of Edward Sharpe. they weren't bad, but.... i wouldn't pay just to see them. top song: the one that jade sang. amazing.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes: fantastic...when they played. it took several hours to get the whole band on stage at once, but once they did, it was well worth it. i'd say give them a year to really get used to live performances and to build up enough music to play a whole set without having band side-bars to decide what to do next. i love alexander, but i wish jade sang more. unfortunately, she could barely make it longer than two songs in a row before she had to leave the stage. still amazing, though, including when alexander crawled in to the audience for the encore song. oh, and our seats were perfect. top songs: 40 day dream. home. up from below.

Julian Velard: opening act for Jamie Cullum. not bad. he kind of wished he was ben folds. fun live show though...i'd say he sounded better in real life than on his cd. he doesn't need a full band, but i liked him. top song: there was a pretty funny one about america. i don't remember the name of it. i don't really remember the names of any of his songs, actually.

Jamie Cullum: fantastic performer. smallest human alive, but great show. definitely worth the drive to alabama. the audience was kind of country club, though. i haven't seen that many polos since the Bubba Sparxxx incident of 08. great show, though, and the musicians in his band are fantastic. they covered a rihanna song and the intro to gold digger. this show also ended with jamie crawling in to the audience. this seems to be a theme. top song: cry me a river.

The Whigs: opened for the Hold Steady. it was just ok when the singer was the only one on stage, but as soon as the whole band joined...well, things got rough. the drummer looked like zack braff with a nasty wig and the lead singer thought he might be kurt cobain. it was just bad all around. top song: when they finally stopped singing.

The Hold Steady: gave an absolutely wonderful performance....unfortunately, the sound guys at the square room are too stupid to figure out how to adjust the sound. don't get me wrong, i have no problems with loud shows. i have been to plenty. this, however, was unnecessarily loud. after writing a slightly impolite note to the sound guy and moving to the very back of the room things got a little better, but still not great. it wasn't the band's fault; on stage they have no idea how loud stuff is...but the instruments were just too loud to really hear craig finn's voice. despite all of this, i have been listening to them all day (well, once i got my hearing back and stopped yelling when i thought i was whispering). top songs: weekenders, you can make him like you, and chips ahoy.

sometimes facebook makes
weird suggestions or connections.

Today I went out to lunch at a Chinese/Thai restaurant and they were playing Sufjan Stevens on the radio. I really want to find whoever chose the music for today and become their new best friend.

In worse news, the library thinks I stole some books from them and will probably try to fire me for it if they don't turn up. Seriously? Good thing I don't even know which books I supposedly stole. Also, really? I have much better things to do with my life than steal library books. So if you see any library books lying around, please turn it in, because I might steal it.

The Land of Cotton.

Yesterday I ate an entire pie with some of my favorite people in a parking lot.

Earlier today I made two kinds of beautiful apple pie.

Right now it is storming like crazy, and tomorrow everything will be greener.

This week I’m going to the lake and going to Dollywood.

Before the end of July, I will see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, The Whigs, The Hold Steady, Ben Sollee, Daniel Martin Moore, and Yim Yames.

Provo’s nice, but I think I’m done with Utah. Can’t I just stay on the East coast forever?

I wonder if Chinese kids play with Chinese finger traps.

and if any other country has invented its own finger trap.

Favorites

If I could see any musicians in the world, they would be (in this order):

1. Simon & Garfunkel



2. Sufjan Stevens

classy

a few nights ago my sister had a dream that there were aliens and i went missing. eventually she did find me...asleep on a toilet. anyway, she thinks it is the.funniest.thing.of.all.time and is telling everyone about it. so, before she tells you, just remember: you heard it here first.

Bahama Mama

so maybe that's a drink, or maybe it's my new name. you decide. well i just thought i'd give a recap of the Bahamas so far....here are the highlights (in no order, really).

1. FERNANDO!!! ok so i haven't exactly met him yet, but i know he's out there.
2. Fernando's little brother, who i have met. or stalked, anyway. we met. it's legit. he's a funny kid.
3. Sting rays in the wild!!! The ocean is amazing. yea.
4. The Most attractive islanders you can imagine.
5. Gymnastics. Not by me, of course...but by those hot islanders.
6. Tan lines.
7. Michael Jackson taught me how to sail. Take that.
8. and that boy can dannnnnnnce.
9. The 6 foot a billion Estonian guy in white capris. yea, you read that right...WHITE CAPRIS. it doesn't get much better than that people....other than maybe his white socks.
10. the drunk guy at the bar behind me. oh wait. that's not a highlight. ummmmm the frozen fruity drinks. yum.

Why didn't I think of this?

Lovely.

Shout Out

Last night I went to a show at some friends' house. I was hesitant to go because, well, I wanted stay home and watch something pseudo-science fictiony on TV. In the end, I went. And I'm glad I did. Even though I've seen the band a thousand times (give or take a few hundred) they were great. Let's hear it for Forest World.

Funny Face

Right now I'm watching Funny Face while I study for my photo-history exam. It's totally appropriate, seeing as it is loosely based on Richard Avedon. I love this movie, I really do...Except for one thing. The movie was made in 1957....which means Fred Astaire was 58, and Audrey Hepburn was 28...Not to mention that dear Fred looks every bit his age and then some. Yikes.

ELEVEN

That's the number of engaged couples I know.

Nerd

Last night I had a dream about T.J. Clark.
We were in a museum that had just spent
$3 million on an abstract painting. The painting was purple, yellow, and orange and absolutely hideous, with no theory to even support it. Anyway, we talked about it for a long time. Thanks, T.J. You're the greatest.

Pears

They're almost like apples, but weirder.

Pear is my favorite flavor jelly bean.

When I get home from work tonight,
I will probably make a pear pie
(but with real pears, not with jelly beans).

Whenever it's Real.

A good friend of mine absolutely adores the band Pavement.
I've listened to them in passing and it's always been enjoyable,
but never enough to really sell me on them completely.
The other day I was perusing the Youtubes, and I found a video of them.
Playing Spit on a Stranger.
Until that moment, I had only ever heard the Nickel Creek cover...
don't get me wrong, I love that cover,
but the Pavement original is surprisingly fantastic.



Also, I bought this cd (white flag) yesterday. So Good.

This Summer

People keep asking me what I plan on doing this summer when I go home. Well, here are the top 10 things I plan on doing (but maybe not in order).

1. Going to Dollywood (well ok, that one is first on my list).
2. Taking naps in my backyard.
3. Getting Icees from Weigles.
4. Playing in the Smoky Mountains.
5. Eating at Tomato Head.
6. Taking road trips and short cuts.
7. Playing at the World's Fair Park.
8. Watching the Science Channel with Bobby.
9. Being a fat kid with Bayless.
10. Going on adventures with Jackson.

Not Okay

Sometimes people who come in to work smile at me too much. I mean like, it's way inappropriate.

Yum

Today I bought trail mix from the vending machine, and it gave me two bags. As if that wasn't good enough, I think one of the bags had way more M&Ms than usual. (Although the second bag has a lot of peanuts).



Also, I'll be home in less than a month. Get excited.

In my future lives, I want to be:

-An Astronaut
-A Food Network TV Personality
-Buckminster Fuller
-A Forensic Scientist
-The author of a Cookbook
-America’s Next Top Model.
-Friends with Ellen Degeneres

(maybe not in that order though)

also, I think I might like to try being a Dinosaur...

I'm Sorry

I hate to be one of those people who only posts Youtube links on their blog, but this song is perfect.

Uh Oh.

I can't tell you the last time I bought groceries, but I can tell you that this is the 3rd night in a row which I have spent in the library until it closes, bringing the total to 33 of the last 72 of my life spent in the library (not to mention class or time spent doing homework at, well, home). Oh, but what I can tell you is that I just wrote about 9 pages of my thesis, that I wrote a 7 page book report, and read an entire 269 page book since Friday, and that I've eaten out every day for the past week (with the exception of Sunday), and I plan on enjoying an Icee for breakfast tomorrow with a delicious dinner at Olive Garden.

and here is a thought from the book I read:

"Like to do your work as much as a dog likes to gnaw a bone and go at it with equal interest and exclusion of everything else."

-Robert Henri, The Art Spirit.

Old Spice

I love Old Spice. A lot...
and this is just one more reason
I love it so much.

Supernatural Delight.

i never knew how much i
loved this song until just
a few days ago.

ok, and i love the original too.

You're Welcome

My new favorite commercials are the ones that say, "If you've had a Coke in the last 80 years, you've had a hand in making every Olympic dream come true."

Looks like I've made a lot of Olympic dreams come true.
(Oh yea, including Apolo Anton Ohno.)

Hipster.

All I'm saying is, Claude Monet was a total Hipster. Check it out.

1. Skinny Jeans
2. Cardigan
3. Beard
4. Total Boredom.

If Monet had a cell phone, he'd totally be texting in this picture.

oh and is it me, or do those shoes look an awful lot like Toms?

Take That, Awkward CD Guy!

Remember that time I wrote a blog about being an idiot? Yea, me too. If you don't remember, just read back a couple posts and you'll find it (I think it's right before my mom sold me out). Anyway. Today another lad came into work looking for an audiobook. He had no idea what he wanted, just something entertaining for the car ride somewhere or other. I told him our selection is mainly limited to classics and the like, but I'd take a look for him. I brought a couple random mystery CDs to the desk, and the a few more random mystery CDs, and then a few more. (We were slow and the guy was funny, so I didn't mind). Once again, I couldn't help but reach for a joke CD (no, nothing about sex this time). The CD was titled "How to be a People Magnet." When I handed the guy the stack of CDs, not only did he think the People Magnet CD was funny, but he even checked it out (along with two random others, just in case).

So thanks, not Awkward CD Guy, for thinking I'm funny, and for not getting all awkward and going to the Public Library instead.

These are My Parents

Two Stories:

1.) Once, my family was in Washington D.C. We really wanted hot chocolate, but everything was closed. We went to the bar in the hotel in hopes they would have some, at which point my father said, "Lindsey, go ask the bar tender if they have hot chocolate." I told him to do it, to which he replied, "You're a 20 year old girl." Dad's selling me out.

2.) My mom has a friend who has a friend (stay with me) who, for a brief moment, she tried to set me up with. We'll call this Operation Set-up. In trying to perpetuate Operation Set-up, my mother posted a picture of me on her friend's Facebook. This may not seem like a big deal, but if any of you saw me on Halloween, you saw my Lady Gaga face. Translation: I don't know how many pictures she went through to find it, but my mother managed to find one of the most questionable pictures of me on Facebook. Thanks mom, you're selling me out.

Twinsies?

Many of you have probably noticed the current Facebook doppleganger trend this week. While considering who my own doppleganger would be, of course Spock, Lady Gaga, and Coyote Shivers came to mind. I then realized that I don't actually look like any of these people, I just dress up/do my hair like them. I then thought of my friend Bayless from back home, but no one in Utah knows him, so it wouldn't be the same. Left with no other alternatives, I found one of those websites where you put your picture in and it tells you what celebrity you look like...turns out the website was less accurate than myself. The list of my celebrity look-alikes included: Mariah Carey, Lisa Left Eye Lopez, Olivia Newton John, Some Creepy Bald Guy, a bunch of Asian Actresses, Kirstie Alley, etc. My favorite, however, was this one:

PATRICK FREAKING SWAYZE
was a 74% match.

(*note, I tried this with several different picture of myself)

FUNNY

A dear friend just sent this to me. It came from this website.

Sometimes, I'm an Idiot.

This evening whilst at work, a charming young lad approached the counter in need of some entertainment guidance. He had perused the binder of Audio books, but could not figure out what he wanted to listen to on his road trip this weekend. A coworker and I suggested a few titles, however none of those seemed to be successful. I looked some things up on the catalog, however that proved to be unsuccessful as well. 32 CDs and about 20 minutes later (yes, I counted), I decided just to go back to the shelves and have a looksy myself, you know, in case something looked interesting. After grabbing a few CDs (which I figured he probably wouldn't be into anyway) I saw an audio book on the shelf titled "Sex is like an Apple: Don't Spoil a Good Thing." I grabbed it with the intent of making a witty joke or something like that, I mean come on, nothing else was working for him right? Unfortunately when I returned to the desk the young lad was on the phone, so I started helping the next person in line. Several minutes later, he was still discussing the possibilities of the Public Library with his friend on the phone, so I kept helping other people. In the meantime, I set the stack of CDs down on the counter, with "Sex is like an Apple" unintentionally on top. I then saw him look down with a sort of startled glance as his eyes crossed the title. "Oh no" I though, hoping he would get off the phone so that I could explain it was a joke. But of course, a professor then approached the counter in need of every video cassette we own (ok, maybe not every, but it definitely felt like it...). By the time I came back Mr. Audiobooks was gone. My coworker relayed an apology and a thanks from him for all the trouble, but that wasn't much consolation, seeing as I already felt like a total creep.

So, mystery guy, I hope you found what you needed at the Public Library. Also, I'm not a pervert. I mean, maybe I am, but I didn't mean to come off as one. I wasn't trying to be creepy and hit on you, I just thought that after nearly half an hour and you sitting on the checkout counter,maybe I could make a joke.

Italian Stallion

So I don't like to vent on my blog, however I think this just has to be said...

Today in my Northern Baroque class, we discussed this painting.

The Rape of the Daughters of Leucippus, by Peter Paul Rubens.

Yes, this piece is exactly what the title sounds like. Rape.
The piece was likely commissioned and certainly purchased by Marie De Medici as a wedding gift for her son Louis the XIII. The painting was placed above the bed of the 14 year old newly wed and his Spanish child bride in order to aid him in the process of producing an heir.
So, as we begin the discussion of this piece, my teacher (who also happens to be brilliant and the head of our art history department) asks if any one in the class has a problem with this work, followed by if any one was OK with it. One boy, who we will call the Italian Stallion (*note: he is neither Italian nor a Stallion, he simply thinks he knows everything ever to come out of Italy), says he is totally fine with this piece. After a drawn out argument by the Stallion as to why there is morally nothing wrong with a glorified rape scene because it is of a mythological background, he still sounds like a total idiot. Twenty minutes of solid justification by the Italian Stallion later, he says this,
"There's nothing wrong with it just because it's a rape scene. Rape is a type of sex."
In the conclusion of the discussion of this work, my teacher commented that there are far more troubling works which we could be looking at in the class. Under his breath, the Italian Stallion then says, "Like Judith Slaying Holofernes". I mean really? Really?

For Hell's Sake

Maybe this is TMI, but if you are reading this you either A. Know me and love me or B. Don't know me, in which case I don't care if you love me.

In the winter, especially in Utah the desert, my head gets really dry sometimes. As a result, my mom gave me some kind of special shampoo that apparently fixes that. What's the catch? It smells like my grandfather.

Can't Stop Won't Stop

I will NEVER stop loving this song, and I don't care who knows it.

2009: The Past

As the first post of 2010: The Future, I have decided to re-post some of my favorite blogs from the past year.

JANUARY was kind of lame, so instead...

FEBRUARY gets two posts.

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST was pretty great, so you should just look at the whole month as well.

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER was also a little lame, so...

NOVEMBER get two posts

DECEMBER